jokes, funny ha ha

wahahaha! Dig the teacher one! keep them coming

Wife comes home from Church,
greets her husband, lifts him up & carries him around the house.

The husbands so surprised & asks smiling,
'Did the Pastor preach about being romantic'?

Out of breath the wife replies,
'No, he said we must carry our burdens...'

ha ha ha keep them comming guys, really good ones.

’n Jong man en sy poppie parkeer een aand hul motor langs die
Hartbeespoortdam.
Die aanvanklike handjie vashouery ontaard later in 'n vurige passie,
maar toe die drange op sy hewigste is stoot die poppie hom weg en sê:
"Verskoon tog, ek moes jou vroeër gesê het, ek is 'n prostituut
en my tarief is R100."

Die gang van die natuur kan nie gestuit word nie en die man betaal.

Toe hulle klaar is, sit hy rustig en rook in stilte 'n sigaret. Later
kan die Poppie dit nie meer verduur nie en vra: "Wel wanneer vat jy my
terug stad toe?"

"O! Verskoon tog" sê die man, "ek moes jou dalk vroeër gesê het - ek
is eintlik 'n taxibestuurder en die koste terug stad toe is R150."

brilliant joke

just got this on an email - thought it was funny -

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and, while questioning him about his life, she asked him how he had s*x.

"What’s s*x?" he asked.

She explained to him what s*x was. Tarzan said "Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified, she said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong! I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground and spread her legs wide. Here" she said, "you can put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, stepped closer and then gave Jane a horrific kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony..

Eventually she managed to grasp, "What the hell did you do that for?"

"Tarzan not stupid first check for bees."

A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a
child and demand a ransom.

She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree
& wrote a note. 'I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I
need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak
tree in the park at 7AM.'

Signed,
'The Blonde.'

She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go
straight home.

The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a
brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag
with the cash was the following note.

'Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to
another.

i enjoy blond jokes

A Pretoria senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z3 convertible out
of the car salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to
90mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

'Amazing!' he thought as he flew down the N1, enjoying pushing the
pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a
police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

'I can get away from him - no problem!' thought the elderly nutcase as
he floored it to 110mph, then 120, then 130mph. Suddenly, he thought,
'What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!' So he pulled over
to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with
him.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's
side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in

10minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you
can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before,
I'll let you go.'

The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, 'Years
ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her
back.'

'Have a good day, Sir,' said the policeman

Excellent.

i wonder if any of us would get away with that?