jokes, funny ha ha

nice

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND
THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD.
WELL...YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.

MY NAME IS ALICE , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST
APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.

I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA,WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I
REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN
IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.

THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD
TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.

AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK
HIGH SCHOOL .

'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.



'WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.

HE ANSWERED , 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'

'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.



THEN, THAT UGLY,

OLD,

BALD,

WRINKLED,

FAT A@S,

GRAY-HAIRED,

DECREPIT

SON-OF-A-BI!CH ASKED,




'WHAT DID YOU TEACH ???

eina

EINA!!!!!!!

NICE RAY,

You either read faster than me or found the post earlier, or greatminds think a like, maybe fools never differ. your choice,

ek sien so

en ek het tik op skool gehad, deesdae of jy vir iemand vra of hul tik doen se hulle, nee cocaine

Ou tannie aan die dokter:
"Hier's groot fout dokter. Ek poep al vir twee weke soos 'n ryer. Dis
Onophoudelik en die drukking en vibrasies pla erg. Maar dis gelukkig
Nie 'n probleem in sosiale omstandighede nie, want dit het geen reuk
Nie en maak ook geen geluid nie. Ek het selfs al twee keer gepoep
Vandat ek hier by jou sit."

Inskiklik knik die dokter sy kop en skryf aan die tannie pille voor en
Vra dat sy na twee weke moet terugkom om hom weer te sien.


Na twee weke is die ou tannie terug maar die keer is sy woes onsteld:
"Watse blimming pille het jy vir my gegee dokter?! Ek poep nogsteeds
Soos 'n resiesperd op steroids. Dit maak nogsteeds geen geluid nie, maar
Nou vrot dit soos vark-afval wat vir 'n week in die son gelê en gis het!!!"

Die dokter knik weer inskiklik en sê:
"Noudat ons tannie se sinus probleem opgelos het, kan ons begin werk
Aan tannie se gehoor probleem."

Koos ry in digte mis en kan nie goed sien nie. Hy besluit om die motor voor hom se agterliggies te volg. Skielik stop die motor en Koos ry DOEF! in hom vas.

Koos vlieg uit sy kar en skree op die ander bestuurder: "Hoekom stop jy so f…. skielik??"

"Omdat," brul die man, "ek in my f…. garage is!"

Wahahaha wahahaha

A farmer named Seamus had a car accident.

In court, the lorry company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Seamus.

'Didn't you say to the Police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor.

Seamus responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the...'

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just Answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Seamus said, 'Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road....'

The solicitor interrupted again and said, 'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.

Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came through a stop sign and hit my trailer right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move.
However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Then the policeman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feeling?'
'Now what the F*ck would you say?

lmao!!!